Sunday, May 11, 2008

Weekend of Pain (Serves 1)

Ingredients

1 Swollen Right Ankle
1 Handphone (mobile phone)
1 Sprain Bandage
2 Sprain Bandage Clips
1 Polyclinic Doctor
1 Friday
2 cups Excruciating Pain
1 kind Landlord
3 Panadols
1 Saturday
1 Voltex
1 Failing Round Tubelight
1 Sunday
1 Blog Post
2 Irritated Nostrils that cause sneezing
Diclofenac Sodium as needed
Famotidine for taste and aroma

Cooking Method

Ensure that right ankle is swelling up on Friday by walking around a lot, hoping the increasing pain will subside. Go have lunch outside school so that there is more walking than usual. By the end of evening, you have one swollen right ankle mixed with two cups of excruciating pain.

Keeping the excruciating pain mixed in the swollen ankle, try to reach home even though home seems as far away as heaven. Once reached (finally!), apply small amounts of Voltex on the ankle, and tie one sprain bandage around the swelling. Use one or two sprain bandage clips as needed.

After several repeated applications of Voltex with no desirable effect, try to go to sleep besides the excruciating pain that is already mixed. When this fails, use the handphone to call the kind landlord and ask for painkillers. Obtain Panadols and take two of them into your system.

On Saturday morning, get ready, take the remaining Panadol and go to the Polyclinic. Use both bus and taxi. Make appointment, wait 45 minutes and see the polyclinic doctor. Try to show off your failing memory skills by telling the last time you visited was in March, and be ashamed when he shows you on computer screen that it was January 16th 3.35 pm.

Obtain Diclofenac Sodium and Famotidine from pharmacy and return home in bus and taxi again. On the way, buy and eat food.

Mix two parts Diclofenac Sodium with one part Famotidine and take it. Apply more Voltex and reapply sprain bandage. Spend evening rewatching Prison Break Season 3. Also cook dinner, take another set of 2 parts Diclofenac Sodium and 1 part Famotidine, reapply Voltex and sprain bandage. Break one of the sprain bandage clips, making it useless.

Switch on and off the failing round tubelight and find out that it has finally failed. Try to go to sleep, but don't fall asleep until 4 in the morning, despite all the excruciating pain being fully absorbed and not evident anymore. Meanwhile play with handphone and send lame messages like "Which is cute?"

Wake up on Sunday morning, thinking it's 11 am, but find out it's only around 8.30 pm. Get up on the table, unscrew the failed round tubelight and remove it. Sneeze a few times during the process. Screw the tubelight cover back.

Start tagging others and then start writing a new blog post. Sneeze a few more times when you are writing it.

Serve hot.
You may also store in refrigerator for one year and reheat as needed.

1 comment:

  1. I never knew the implications of "4 in the morning" when I wrote this blog post of mine on 11 May last year (2008). It just came so naturally to me! Perhaps there's something more to the phrase "4 in the morning" than what meets the eye!

    Watch: YouTube - Rives: Is 4 a.m. the new midnight?

    ReplyDelete

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