It's been quite a while since I last blogged. But that doesn't mean life's all happy and joyful. I did have problems, but I learnt my lessons. Now I'm getting closer to God than ever. But there are a few people who had hurt me so badly that I don't wish to forgive them at all. Whenever I get reminded of them, I only wish that they died. A sleeping anger awakes in me that seeks to take revenge on them and stab them with a knife.
It's been more than an year since they had hurt me. Ever since then, I avoided all contact with them and considered them strangers. I don't even acknowledge their existence, and in their absence, I try to forget what they had done to me. But one day, all of a sudden, they show up. They have the right to walk on earth, wherever they want. So I don't bother about their presence and just continue with my work.
But it doesn't stop there! They would come and disturb me for no absolute reason. They would do it for their own fun's sake. And by disturbing, they wake up that sleeping anger in me, and it takes over me. Nevertheless, I just keep quiet, swallowing their disturbance patiently and letting it fuel the anger. I wish I could just gobble them up like a monster, but they're too strong for me.
Everything was going fine in the past months. But yesterday these people showed up and disturbed me. And that full night, in my room, I had been swearing and cursing at them in my anger-filled imagination, and asking God why I just can't forgive them, and why I had to meet them that day, and why they just had to disturb me when I don't even bother about them.
Why the heck do you bother me, when I don't bother you at all? Why can't you just mind your own #&%$*^@ business? WHY?
Hint: I hate my own race, and it's not "Indian"; it's more specific than that. And NO, it's NOT my parents!