Learning to Master Fear

Extracted from “Ask Yourself Questions and Change Your Life” (Copyright © 2008 by Arlene Harder, MFT)

There are a number of emotions that can create the Velcro® Syndrome*. The most common, though, is an emotion that has an inordinate capacity to interfere with our intention to change. Fear. When fear is your master, it controls you in many ways, particularly when you want your life to change in a fairly significant way.

When fear is your master, you bring the future into the present.

When you master fear, you accept the future only when it actually arrives.

When fear is your master, you forget that you can learn to solve new problems.

When you master fear, you remember how good it feels to bring your skills into new situations.

When fear is your master, you believe you have to face life’s challenges all by yourself.

When you master fear, you remember the many times when you’ve expressed your feelings and your needs clearly and have been supported by others.

When fear is your master, you stop trying because you might make a mistake.

When you master fear, you gain strength from the many times you’ve made a mistake, forgiven yourself, learned from it, and moved on.

When fear is your master, you focus on the separate details of life, judging one thing as good and another as bad, with a particular emphasis on the bad, unable to see life as a whole.

When you master fear, you remember the times that you have transcended your sense of separateness, times when you experienced the ordinary, individual details of life as a whole, when you felt a connection with the essence of life.

Finally, when fear, a very serious emotion, is your master, you ignore the pleasures that life offers.

When you master fear, you live in each moment as it happens, discovering that you can’t be overwhelmed by what may – or may not – happen in the future because you’re fully focused on the present.

* Want to know what Velcro® Syndrome is? Get hold of the book “Ask Yourself Questions and Change Your Life” (by Arlene Harder, MFT)